


The Meta Nein

by callowyn



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Analysis, Gen, Maps, Meta, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Spoilers, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-11-30
Packaged: 2019-09-02 23:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16796470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callowyn/pseuds/callowyn
Summary: Rumors of tumblr's death may be premature, but I wanted a safe home for my thinky thoughts and speculation about the plot, worldbuilding, and characters in campaign two of Critical Role. Assume spoilers through the most recent episode.





	1. Secret Secrets (ep 13)

a list of things we, the audience, know about each critical role character which have not yet been shared with the group, and/or questions that NEED ANSWERING DAMMIT 

in approximate order of least to most suspicious:

  * jester
    * has openly discussed where she came from and why she left to go adventuring, as well as how she met the traveler. no apparent reason to be lying about this. not many hints at further secrets yet but I’m sure she has some
    * most of her shady skills (blackmailing, cheating at cards) can be explained by having a very rich courtesan mother who would probably have dealt with a lot of bribery, combined with being under tutelage from a trickster god
    * is craftier than people give her credit for 
    * who or what is the traveler really, and what does he want from jester? 
    * she clearly has strong morals about people & possessions, it’s just that these have nothing to do with the current legal code
    * definitely Chaotic but also most Good member of the party imo
  * nott
    * I love nott & will defend her to the death but she will absolutely cut you
    * she is up-front about her kleptomania and thanks to molly/fjord we now understand what she’s trying to achieve re caleb, as well as how she views her role in that relationship
    * we know goblins aren’t welcome in human-centric societies yet here she is. why? what happened between her and her clan that she’d sell them out to the crownsguard without compunction?
    * is there anyone back in the clan lands that she left behind?
    * why was she in that prison with caleb—just the usual thievery or something else?
    * how far is she willing to go to get caleb more power?
  * caleb
    * I don’t see why he’d lie to nott about this, so it seems he was in fact being truthful about growing up dirt poor and studying magic as a young lad
    * clearly has backstory trauma about something to do with people burning alive. “fucked it up” when his village was banding together to send him to the soultryce academy. WHAT DID YOU DO
    * it’s almost certainly a tragic accident rather than something malicious but still he’s definitely killed people
    * makes no secret of being out for personal gain, but also seems to carry the needs of the group in mind when preparing spells etc.
    * is liam keeping caleb’s face covered in mud to bother laura specifically or is there some character reason he doesn’t want to be recognized?
    * what got him landed in prison, and why is he so chill about being adopted by this stabby goblin girl?
    * he clearly had some goal for learning magic before, and it seems he intends to pursue it now even without formal education. what is he after?
  * beau
    * her motives are still murky to me and that’s worrying
    * has mentioned that she comes from money and has an asshole for a dad but no solid explanation of her canonically criminal background
    * was her family part of some sort of wine mafia? does she know something that might tie into this bloodroot poison deal between the gentleman and the baumbachs?
    * and/or what sorts of petty crime did beau do of her own volition? ya girl got those thieves tools from somewhere and knows an awful lot about breaking & entering
    * she’s mentioned doing “shady shit with shady people” who were, like her, doing something solely out of self-interest
    * it sounds like maybe her dad caught her getting up to shit and that’s why he shipped her off to ~~military school~~ the cobalt soul
    * how long ago did she run away from xenoth & co and what was she doing between then and trostenwald?
    * she knows the monks aren’t getting money from her dad anymore. what happened to the rest of her family?
    * what end are the expositors aiming to use her for, and what is beau going to do when she finds out?
  * fjord
    * I DO NOT TRUST A SOUTHERN WORD FROM HIS MOUTH AND WILL NOT UNTIL I GET AN EXPLANATION FOR THAT PORT DEMALI ACCENT HE USED IN HIS DREAM
    * no one suspects him which makes him even more suspicious because he’s so good at appearing plainspoken and honest while having who knows what kind of ulterior motive
    * I’m pretty sure his flusterment over jester flirting with him is genuine though
    * your skin is still green, fjord, why did you rip out your tusks…is this tragic (yes) or is it sinister
    * seems very likely that he drowned at sea and made a pact to save his life, but what were the terms of that trade?
    * provoke what? consume what??? 
    * boy is not afraid to whip out the falchion when someone crosses him. voted most likely to turn out Evil (source: travis smirking like knife cat whenever someone asks what he’s hiding)
    * he’s clearly invested in keeping the group together for the time being but what is going to happen when M9′s needs conflict with what his tentacular patron requires of him?
  * molly
    * simultaneously the most up-front and the biggest fucking liar of the lot
    * has told minimum three different stories about where he got his swords, all of which were clearly bullshit, and he didn’t seem to particularly care if fjord believed him but that doesn’t get rid of the fact that no one actually knows what’s going on with him
    * matt invented the bloodhunter class, so I’m pretty sure we can trust the dm guide about what the process entails, which means there’s some mysterious “order of the ghostslayer” out there that molly has never mentioned even obliquely
    * how did molly become a bloodhunter? what was he trying to get out of it?
    * LUCIEN?????????
    * options: 1. molly knows exactly who this tabaxi is and is playing it off badly 2. taliesin knows, but molly doesn’t 3. taliesin has no more idea than the rest of us, and is just reveling in the chaos matt has caused with the free rein taliesin gave him over molly’s history
    * YOU ARE BRIGHT PURPLE WITH PIERCED HORNS AND A FACIAL TATTOO OF A PEACOCK YOU DO NOT “JUST HAVE ONE OF THOSE FACES I SUPPOSE”
    * WHO THE HELL IS LUCIEN




	2. Map Time (ep 18)

(original image credit to Deven Rue)

We’ve kinda-sorta got enough backstory information now that I wanted to chart up where the Mighty Nein came from (everywhere) and where they’ve been together (barely anywhere):

**Preseries**

  * Jester: hometown is Nicodranis, not labeled on the map but falls somewhere along the Menagerie Coast; this is her first time in the Empire
  * Beau: grew up in a small vineyard town around Kamordah before getting shipped off to Zadash and the Cobalt Soul
  * Yasha: only recently crossed the border from Xhorhas, and comes from somewhere south of the Kreen kingdom (honestly she probably belongs off this map but I want her to feel included)
  * Nott: came from a clan that occupied Felderwin or the surrounding areas; someone she cares about still lives there
  * Caleb: grew up in a poor town called Blumenthal, which is not on this map but lies somewhere outside Rexxentrum
  * Fjord: honestly whomst the fuck knows where he came from; somewhere on that coastline is Port Demali and that at least is where he did some sailing work and met up with Jester
  * Molly: we have no idea where he was when he crawled out of the ground, but given that the circus has been through Trostenwald before, it’s as likely a place as any for Gustav to have picked him up so that’s where I put him. Lucien could be from anywhere.



**Episodes 1-4: Trostenwald**

  * medium-size town next to the Ustaloch, which may or may not be cursed
  * bustling enough that the circus swung through at least twice
  * everyone in this town cares a whole lot about beer
  * zero witches



**Episodes 5-8: Alfield & Amber Road**

  * it takes two days of horse-and-cart travel to get from Trostenwald to Alfield if you don’t get robbed or hit any buffalo-like creatures along the way
  * Alfield itself is smaller than Trostenwald but still supports a reasonable force of crownsguard, underfunded though they are
  * economy seems mostly based on farming and meats but nearby are the gnoll-occupied mines (did we ever find out what they were mining? I don’t think so)
  * these southern areas were conquered later than the main Empire around Rexxentrum, so there are still remnants of the Julous Dominion in the region (ie those spooky old graves)
  * about three? days travel from Alfield to Zadash by horse



**Episodes 9-18: Zadash**

  * second biggest city in the Empire!
  * speaking of the Julous Dominion, Zadash used to be their capital before it was conquered by the Dwendalians
  * whole lotta factions at play here, which tbh our beloved protagonists are not equipped to handle:
    * Cobalt Soul (monks of Ioun) seem to be headquartered in Zadash along with their fabulous library
    * Halls of Erudition are the Zadash branch of the Soultryce Academy, run by the Cerberus Assembly (pretty sure that’s the same thing?), whose headquarters/main campus are up north in Rexxentrum
    * the Righteous Brand aka the imperial army is recruiting pretty heavily here for soldiers to send east toward Xhorhas
    * The Gentleman and his smuggling operation seem homegrown in Zadash, though I imagine they’d like to expand
    * somewhere around is the Myriad—which I’m 90% sure is NOT affiliated with the Gentleman (the whole debacle with Lord Sutan was arranged by the Gentleman and hinged on getting him arrested for Myriad affiliations)—but we haven’t run into the Myriad proper yet which is frankly a blessing
    * speaking of blessings: temples for the six gods that are allowed, merely waiting for Jester to come deface them
    * and of course various city officials: the lawmaster, the high richter, the crownsguard, etc
  * Zadash is big enough that the M9 making a name for themselves here will mean likely recognition in other parts of the Empire as well, as we’ve already seen at the post-Victory Pit gala



**Onwards?**

  * Laura Bailey will not rest until they have been to Hupperdook regardless of where the plot tries to take them
  * if Fjord still wants to attend the Soultryce Academy—recent revelations may affect that goal—they’re gonna need to keep moving north to Rexxentrum
  * meanwhile the bounty hunt they’re considering as of 2x18 would take them towards the Menagerie Coast
  * let Jester visit her mom!!!!
  * let Nott…visit…her someone in Felderwin?? except there seems to still be bad blood between Nott and her clan and it would probably end in violence
  * there is a NON-ZERO CHANCE that they could end up in Deastok and hang out with the Darringtons! unlikely, but, you know
  * if I know these idiots they are going to end up on the front in Xhorhas sooner or later and all we can do is hope they find enough distractions to level them up before they get there 
  * show us the spooky kingdom of dark skies matthew




	3. Caleb Lore (ep 18)

why did it take _eleven years_ for someone to cast greater restoration on caleb? and it wasn’t even a doctor; it was one of the other patients. I’m not saying mental illness can necessarily be healed by spells in this world, but given that most curses and psychic damage can be lifted by magic, wouldn’t you at least try that first? they’ve got high-level clerics on call for the victory pit, for god’s sake, can’t you spare one or two for the mental hospital? either trent intentionally left caleb in a place where he wouldn’t be healed (very probable) or else the asylums in wildemount aren’t _intended_ to cure people, just to sequester them away from the rest of society while the empire looks the other way. either way it’s fucked up and these people need the hippocratic oath

> reply from tumblr user [renate651](http://renate651.tumblr.com/post/173960689421/furthermore): Probably Trent’s influence. He’s gotta protect himself; can’t let the empire know that he’s brainwashing young mages. Whether the Empire supports this or not, they wouldn’t want it broadcast everywhere. And after all, no one would believe a “crazy” person over a respected wizard.

that’s an interesting question, actually: just how sanctioned was trent in what he did to caleb & co? it’s hella suspicious that he swooped in and took these three teenagers away to a secluded house where no one could see what he was doing to them; on the other hand, it sounds like this procedure was a key part of earning their graduation from the soultryce academy. are all mages expected to apprentice under a more knowledgeable wizard before they’re officially accepted by the empire? did trent come by that supply of traitors to murder of his own accord, or were they supplied to him? I agree that it’s not a good look to have a scrawny adolescent in the town square raving about how the cerberus assembly tricked him into killing his parents, but at the same time, the empire certainly seems like they’d be willing to risk a few dropouts if the return on investment is a fresh set of highly lethal war mages that have been brainwashed into obedience. the more I think about it, the more I suspect caleb wasn’t the only aspiring wizard to have ended up in that asylum.

#if the asylum was maintained by the cerberus academy it becomes much more sinister #but also much easier to explain how trent was able to keep watching him and ensure no healing occurred #I've heard people theorize that caleb was feebleminded on top of the false memories and genuine trauma #because you know #what's a real good way to keep yourself safe from unstable and potentially treasonous magicians?#reduce their intelligence to zero so they can't cast any spells #but you can save from feeblemind every 30 days #imagine trent periodically checking in to push caleb's mind back under #and caleb nonverbal but panicked and flinching because that face means anguish #until the blank emptiness drags him under again 


	4. The Bargaining Stage (ep 26)

we’re all fucked up about molly. nobody was ready for that to happen and I think even by the end of the episode it hadn’t quite sunk in. that said, the cast has a week to brainstorm what they’re going to do about the loss of their rainbow peacock, and I am over here anxiously scouring the player’s handbook trying to figure out their options.

**things that won’t work**

  * revivify: needs to be administered within one minute of death, required a diamond worth 300gp, required a cleric available during the battle (come back jester ;_;)
  * molly’s necklace: only stabilizes while unconscious, doesn’t prevent lost death saving throws caused by additional attacks
  * healing potions, moss, cure wounds, spare the dying, etc: it’s too late for that. maybe if molly hadn’t knocked himself unconscious before lorenzo’s turn, he could have gotten lucky and been healed up after only two lost death saves, but given that nobody has ranged healing it would have been very difficult to save him even then. we’re gonna need some higher-level magic to get molly back.



**things that would work, if the party chooses to pursue them**

  * **raise dead** : this is only an option for the next 10 days, plus any additional time they can buy if they have a gentle repose. the remaining members of m9 would need:
    * a 500gp diamond
    * someone who can cast the spell—interestingly, in addition to clerics and paladins, raise dead is also available to bards. either way, though, it’d have to be a pretty damn high-level healer.



    * if they abandoned all their other quests to get molly back, they could probably get to zadash within the 10-day time limit, which is the most likely place to have someone 1) capable of 5th-level spells who is 2) willing to help them. none of their party are religious enough for connections to a specific temple, but their moderate fame would probably be enough to get them in the door. however, they’d need some way to carry molly’s body home with them, which is a lot more difficult now that they’ve lost their cart and half their horses.
      * pro: zadash contains cree, who knows something about whatever necromantic magic molly’s body has been through before and could warn of any bizarre side effects. she herself might even be able to perform some sort of ritual to return his soul to his body.
      * con: zadash also contains the gentleman, who will not be happy to learn that m9 lost 4/7ths of its members on the road and failed to complete their second mission in shadycreek run. even if he knows how to bring a body back in this city, he probably wouldn’t tell them under these conditions. furthermore, running back to zadash would mean leaving fjord and jester and yasha to their own devices for at least two weeks, which could make it much more difficult to find them again when heading back north.
    * alternately, they could keep going towards shadycreek run and hope for the best in nogvurot. this seems the most likely course of action because their other missing friends are still en route to shadycreek and it could be disastrous to lose track of them at this stage.
      * pro: keeping close to the fjord/jester/yasha caravan (though well out of sight of lorenzo) will let them continue to evaluate a potential rescue scenario before those three are sold and scattered. also, this could allow them to complete their second job for the gentleman and spare his wrath when they go back to zadash; if they help ophelia mardun it’s possible she or her apparently-powerful family would have resources close at hand to help molly. 
      * con: they don’t know anything about nogvurot, and from the gentleman’s description it does not sound like a particularly welcoming place. if they decide to keep pushing north and there isn’t anyone in nogvurot who can or will help them heal molly, it’s very likely they will run out of time to use raise dead before they get back to zadash.
    * hupperdook is the closest city, but from what we saw, it seems more focused on industry than magic and it might be difficult to find a temple with the necessary healing power to help molly. m9 did recently do a favor for the starosta, however, which could possibly be a point in their favor if it comes down to persuasion. 
    * I suppose they could make a gamble on bladegarden, which houses the majority of the military and thus would probably have high-level clerics on hand, but these punks lack the political clout to be assured of a healing from the imperial army. finding a temple in a major city is a better bet.
    * berleben is a shithole, and horace couldn’t even confirm whether anyone in the city has diamonds, let alone the sorts of temples that offer major healing. a bad choice.
    * as the capital, rexxentrum 100% has people who can raise the dead for the right price. however, caleb is wanted by the extremely powerful wizards there and is presently defended only by Punch Sister and Goblin Mom. do not go to rexxentrum.
  * **gentle repose** : this spell only buys them time, but given how far they are from resources, that’s nothing to scoff at. each time gentle repose is cast, molly would effectively get another 10 day extension before the time for raise dead starts running out. they’d need:
    * copper pieces for molly’s eyes (easy to come by)
    * again, a way to transport and/or protect the body until raise dead can be cast 
    * someone who knows the gentle repose spell. it can be cast by wizards, but until caleb levels up or finds a scroll, I don’t believe he can learn it. their best bet in the short term is to find jomda the firbolg again and see if she’s capable of doing anything to help—her powers are clearly limited, she wouldn’t be able to raise molly herself, but it’s possible her healing abilities extend to preserving a body.
  * **reincarnate** : hoo boy this one’s a crapshoot. like raise dead, there’s a limit of 10 days past death for this to be cast, and given that this spell is twice as expensive the only reason to go for this over raise dead would be if they find a very helpful druid before they can get to a cleric. this would entail:
    * 1000gp worth of rare materials, which the druid would need to have on hand because m9 sure doesn’t
    * a whole entire new body being crafted for molly’s soul to inhabit, with only a 3% chance of that body being a tiefling.
      * for the record: most likely outcome is elf or human (20% each), followed by dwarf or gnome or halfling (15% each), with rarer races like half-elf, half-orc, dragonborn, or tiefling coming in last (3-4% each)
    * this also raises the question of whether the bloodhunter abilities molly inherited from lucien would follow him over to a new body—probably not? does molly even have enough of a soul of his own to move to a new body? would lucien’s soul travel with him? would he need to undergo the tombtaker ritual again to get his rites back? can you imagine molly’s personality coming out of a hobbit?? 
  * **resurrection** : technically, any time this century is an option for molly to be resurrected, so long as he doesn’t get turned into something undead in the meantime. however, the fact that this is a 7th-level spell means that it would be an extraordinarily lucky find or a very long wait:
    * probably only in rexxentrum are there clerics who would perform a resurrection for someone they didn’t know. even then, I imagine it would require a lot of persuasion on top of the 1000gp diamond to convince someone outside the party to do this on their behalf. (fun fact: bards can do this one too!)
    * if they miss the 10-day window but still aren’t willing to give up on mollymauk, m9 could in theory wait for jester to reach level 13 so she can resurrect molly herself. however, they would still need to acquire that big-ass diamond, and again: they need molly’s body in order to do this spell. given that it’s taken over a month of in-game time to get to level 5, they’re looking down multiple months if not years before jester could bring molly back. how the hell do you plan to find a body you buried by the side of the road after that much time?



**things that might be possible if the DM is merciful**

  * deus ex cleric. we know there’s going to be another guest next week, and if there is any justice in this world at all they’ll be playing a healer like this party so sorely needs. they’ll be joining at level 5, same as the party, so the guest won’t be able to cast raise dead themselves, but a cleric would certainly have access to gentle repose and could potentially lead the party to a more powerful healer in the vicinity. 
  * [some bloodhunter bullshit](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.dndbeyond.com%2Fcharacters%2Fclasses%2Fblood-hunter&t=NTVjYzY0NWIxNDRiNDFmMmRmMTg4ZTNjMTc3ZTVmYjliMGEwNzgyNSxKakhkZGpTcA%3D%3D&b=t%3A1pw52dx68WKxmXxweaHCbg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fcallowyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F175924902715&m=0). not only has molly already woken up from the presumed-dead once, his powers come from the ghostslayer order, which specifically learns how to harness the power of life and death. if taliesin really really wants to keep molly around, I don’t think matt will force him to give up this character forever; I imagine they’ll have some long conversations about how and when molly’s abilities might come into play. 
    * the most likely option here is that mollymauk reverts to factory default and comes back empty again, nameless, from whatever grave his friends leave him in. please, m9, leave this sad boy some instructions so he can find his way back to you.
    * it’s also possible that lucien wakes up from death #2 with all his memories intact. I think taliesin would find this really fun to play out, and while it would be painful in the short term to have a stranger amongst them dressed in molly’s guise, I think eventually (or after another near-death experience) the consciousness known as mollymauk would begin to reassert himself. 
    * molly waking up as himself like nothing ever happened is probably too easy. if this occurs, we can be assured there was a major cost paid behind m9′s back—either by molly himself, or by someone else who wants him alive for their own purposes.
  * intervention from the moonweaver. we’re seeing gods a lot earlier this campaign than last time, but so far we haven’t witnessed any actual interactions between molly and the moonweaver, so this seems unlikely (if any gods get personally involved in molly’s return to life, odds are it will be the traveler or the stormlord). still, there’s an outside chance that a trickster goddess might find some use for a shiny purple tiefling who embraces both love and chaos with such unbridled enthusiasm. I would be extremely wary of this outcome, though, because gods only interfere with the flow of life and death in the direst circumstances, and her giving molly back now could well mean paying the vaxildan price once his mission is over.
  * [the option of the lingering soul](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dmsguild.com%2Fproduct%2F226513%2FThe-Lingering-Soul--Class-PostDeath-Option&t=MzU1YTI0ZGUzMWRmY2ZmMGQxMGVlNDA2MzVhZGY0MzVlZTE1ZjgxMSxKakhkZGpTcA%3D%3D&b=t%3A1pw52dx68WKxmXxweaHCbg&p=http%3A%2F%2Fcallowyn.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F175924902715&m=0). this is a post-death homebrew class that matt came up with: essentially, molly’s ghost would keep right on keepin’ on with the party but would need to possess someone else’s body in order to interact with the physical world. (worth noting that people can voluntarily fail the saving throw against possession, meaning he could copilot any one of the m9 members who’d let him.) molly would not be able to possess his own dead body until he leveled up five times as a ghost. he’d essentially be playing as a new class, since obviously you can’t be a bloodhunter if you have no blood. there’s no time limit on this, but it has to be offered at the dm’s discretion, and I don’t know whether matt will deem this situation dire enough to warrant the option—it may depend on what the rest of the party decides as well as, of course, what taliesin wants to do.



**things that would crush me personally**

  * the party decides not to resurrect mollymauk. beau and caleb and nott may consider the possibilities and decide that they need to spend their energy on trying to save their three friends that are still alive and in captivity, not chasing clerics for one who’s already dead. if there’s something they can do in the short term that would keep fjord or jester or yasha from being “broken,” that might be more important than rushing off to another city to barter for molly’s continued existence. that said, given what happened last time, they definitely need to cool their heels before charging after the iron shepherds for another rescue attempt. painful as it may be, the three kidnappees can probably endure their captivity longer than molly can recover from being left dead.
  * the party runs out of time. there are a lot of threads pulling on m9 right now, and they only have ten days at their disposal before bringing molly back becomes much, much more difficult if not functionally impossible. I hope they wouldn’t prioritize the gentleman’s business over molly’s life, but on top of needing to rescue their kidnapped members they might choose to try and complete their other mission in shadycreek run while they’re here, and m9 could easily lose molly due to mismanagement of time. this would be a painfully stupid but unfortunately believable way for him to pass beyond reach of all but the highest resurrection spells.
  * out of game, taliesin decides he doesn’t want to bring molly back. I don’t want to speculate too much about what goes on in that eldritch blue head of his, but we know he is the sort of player who would consider refusing a resurrection ritual if he felt it was true to the character. people have also speculated that he’s been struggling with playing molly and not enjoying the bloodhunter class as much as he hoped to (though we know matt has been making tweaks along the way in response to broken game mechanics, the same way they did with gunslinger). however:
    * taliesin has been holding onto mollymauk for years now (since ep 67 of the last campaign) and, in my opinion, has not gotten his money’s worth out of playing him yet. there is still a great deal of backstory we don’t know about and character development yet to be had, and I don’t believe taliesin would want to permanently leave that potential unexplored.
    * mollymauk tealeaf does not want to die. the boy has only been walking the earth for two years, he’s been having a ton of fun, and there is so much left for him to learn and experience. unlike certain self-loathing edgelords of previous campaigns, nothing about molly’s backstory or outlook on life would indicate he thinks he deserves to die. yes, molly’s usually willing to go with the flow and work with whatever nonsense happens to him, but I believe that molly would unambiguously choose to return if the option is given to him. and if his character truly wants to come back, I think taliesin will do his best to find a way to let him.
  * my real concern with in-game vs out-of-game considerations is that, if they don’t find a way to fix the molly situation within the next episode, matt & co will want to find a way for taliesin the player to keep participating even while mollymauk the character is still dead. even if the party does decide that they’re going to do whatever it takes to get molly back, I feel like having taliesin there with them will make it feel less urgent for the players, which could easily lead to one of the in-game reasons for them not to get it done in time. inevitably, people will also start getting attached to the not-molly character (see: taryon darrington), which would make for divided loyalty from other players and a bittersweet return if the resurrection succeeds.



at the end of the day none of us know exactly how this will play out, even the dm. it’s not impossible for molly to be brought back, but nor is it a guarantee. we will just need to wait to see what the players want to do (I will be watching talks machina like a HAWK this week) and what options matt provides them in the game to pursue that course of action. dnd is a game of chance, but it’s also a collaborative storytelling effort, and I trust the cast to make this event part of their narrative beyond simple bad luck. is it fucking thursday yet?


	5. Talks Machina Coda (ep 26)

I think what is upsetting me the most about that episode is…it feels like it got decided _without us_. we’re used to seeing narrative choices be made live onscreen—for those of us that watched last campaign, we’re used to seeing the rituals play out in real time. I think this may be the shortest period of time between a character death and the end of the episode; we got hardly any time to see the other characters or players react in the moment. there were plenty of paths available when we closed out on thursday, and a lot of speculation has gone into which they’d pick, in part because we didn’t have clear cues from the players about what they were or weren’t considering. people got their hopes up; I know I did. now it feels like the decision’s already been made without letting us in on the process. 

I know it’s not our job to dictate where the story goes, and the actors don’t owe us everything they feel or think or choose about their own characters, but it still feels like we were cheated of something. a chance to share in the tears, maybe. their explanations tonight did make me realize that I misjudged the way matt and taliesin are thinking about this event, both from a character standpoint and from the broader view of what kind of narrative this is. (I empathize with some points and disagree with others, but that’s a separate post.) clarity is helpful, but having that behind-the-scenes understanding is almost making me feel like I am expected to catch up with them immediately—that I should already be on the same page as the people who ultimately control what happens next. but I’m not! I didn’t think you were going to be on this page! we haven’t been to this page before! and I thought, if we did ultimately land here, I was going to get more warning. the finality in their voices, the choice of questions and talk of next steps, it all kinda blindsided me, and it’s that unexpectedness that’s hitting me harder than the outcome itself right now.

I’m still waiting to see what happens on thursday. even though I’m unhappy about the choice it sounds like they made, it’s not that I need them to change their minds for me to be satisfied—I just want to see everyone play out the weight of this event. I want them to acknowledge that this wasn’t the only choice they could have made, that “forever” wasn’t inevitable. and I want in-game time to grieve, because my catharsis cannot come until I can see that the people who care about molly—not us but the characters, his friends—are grieving too. you can’t ask me to be excited for what’s next when I haven’t even started crying for what’s lost.


End file.
